No More Shushing!
By Meghan Farr
Hey! Yes, you. If you’re reading this it’s because something inside of you is seeking more. It’s totally fine if you don’t know what exactly – promise! The little voice inside is urging you to learn more about your life. The world. The universe. Your capabilities.
Shushing the voice is like swatting at a mosquito that won’t leave you alone. It buzzes around annoyingly until you finally get it.
You’ve got the bug! The spark inside of you that’s like “wait, is this IT? There’s gotta be more.”
So, you’re wondering “what is IT?”
IT might be a childhood dream of becoming a writer or artist that you “shush.” Maybe you half-ass a photography hobby that you know if you went for it – all the way – could be a career that lights you up inside. Maybe you decorate the most beautiful cookies or cakes and secretly wish you could spend everyday doing what you love. Maybe you’ve always wanted to take a cooking class or even go back to school for an entirely new profession.
IT might be more mysterious for some. Questioning your purpose, wondering if the day-to-day grind, is all there is for you. But, what, you ask yourself….am I meant to do – for real – with my life?
The thing that’s missing is a void – it can feel like a tiny speck of dust, or for some, an enormous black-hole vortex that feels dark and lonely. Some might compare this emptiness to depression.
IT might feel isolating, sad or even provoke fear. But don’t be afraid of something just because you don’t understand it
It’s a symptom of an awakening. It can happen at any point in your life. You’re never too young or too old to seek a greater understanding of the world around you. Being curious about the possibilities and ideas you have to offer, is part of the process. Embrace this discomfort. All you have to do is ask the Universe for more and learn to listen to your own voice.
Yes, it can feel like a mixed message when I encourage you to get comfortable asking for more and seeking a greater understanding of your purpose when ‘gratitude’ and ‘hashtagblessed’ are like everyone’s favorite buzzwords right now.
Stay with me.
Seeking more, or wondering what else is out there beyond what you can touch, see or understand, doesn’t mean you aren’t grateful for what you do have – it doesn’t mean you aren’t thankful for family, your children, partner or tons of clothes and shoes in your closet. We can still be missing something, even when it feels like we “should” just shut up and be happy for what we do have.
The little voice asking for more, if ignored, can turn into feelings of sadness, emptiness, worry, fear, guilt, anger or resentment, but that’s just your internal self or TRUE SELF telling you something is out of alignment.
Like when you didn’t take the time to try on the new shoes you bought. You know what I’m talking about! You don’t feel like taking them back so you wear them even though your toes are cramped and you feel the blisters forming on your heel. Or, the slip-ons are too big and keep sliding off, causing you to trip. You try to ignore it, but you can’t because no matter how beautiful the shoe looks – it’s not aligned with your foot.
Same with our lives. Parts of it may look beautiful on the outside, but only you know what it feels like, for real, on the inside.
People in your life would be shocked wouldn’t they? If they knew what you really felt? If they knew what you really said to yourself.
“I should be happy.”
“I have so much to be thankful for.”
“I’m self-absorbed for wanting more for my career, my life, my bank account.”
“People like me don’t get to (fill in the blank.)”
Then the guilt sets in. “How dare I want more when I have so much!?”
Then the shame. “I’m needy, undeserving, selfish…..”
Then the fear. “What would people think if they knew I wanted more?”
Then, the internal dialogue turns into outward resentment and anger taking form as a “bad mood.” We snap at our loved ones, become irritable and grouchy, sometimes falling into the victimhood mentality.
We start giving off an energy of dissatisfaction, or of defeat. We lose touch with ourselves more and more each time we enter the shame spiral.
When we get tired of these feelings, thoughts, or even obsessions of what other people are thinking of us, or about what we said that we shouldn’t have during one of our “moods,” we want to escape. Runaway. Byyyeeee.
We head for the Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer. We get online to shop for things we don’t really need or even want. We drink more than a glass or two of wine. We gossip and talk about other people – because FINALLY some relief! Relief from ourselves. If you talk about everything that’s wrong with that person you sure as hell can get a little relief from YOUR issues. Well, for a little while, at least.
Nope, this is not going to be a lecture on alcohol and addiction, promise! Just because you over eat doesn’t mean you’re a food addict. Just because you drink more than a glass or two of wine doesn’t mean you’re an alcoholic and just because you aimlessly shop and buy to feel better doesn’t mean you’re an official shopping addict. And just because you talk behind someone’s back after leaving church, doesn’t mean you’re a morally bankrupt person.
All it means is that you are ignoring a part of you that has something to say…and the message is important enough that it doesn’t just go away. It will morph into less than healthy methods attempting to self soothe you from the internal pain. The pain that results from too much “shushing.” All of the internal stress and external behaviors combine into some serious destruction at a cellular level.
Yes, “shushing” the voice can cause mental and physical health problems. When we ignore our inner guidance system we develop chronic pain, muscle tension, restless legs, irritable bowels, headaches/migraines and symptoms of depression, anxiety and all sorts of other disorders.
Treating these conditions with western medicine often eases the symptoms and of course have their place. But, from my own experience with decades of battling anxiety, depression and ADHD, the medicine didn’t magically fix my life and take away my symptoms. True inner peace didn’t occur until I learned to recognize what was out of alignment in my social, emotional and spiritual health. After identifying what was missing from each component, I was able to heal and make the necessary changes to find happiness, peace and ful-fillment.
I still have rough patches! But after two years of learning to strengthen, heal and empower myself with the teachings of my mentors and coach along with having a positive support system, while keeping an open mind and heart, I can hear the little voice and listen to what she’s telling me.
By learning to listen to mySELF, not the ego part that’s based in fear and small-minded thinking, I am now able to use my tools and get myself out of the funk quickly. What used to be rough DAYS, WEEKS or even MONTHS and YEARS, are now usually just a few hours at most.
Now, I know it’s absolutely okay to want more of an understanding of my life and how I fit into the Universe.
You’ve got nothing to lose. Just Strength, Healing and Empowerment to gain!
Meghan Farr (left) and Keisha Langolf (right) are co-owners of SHE Counseling and Coaching, LLC.
Photo by Casey Harper
Case Closed Creations, 2019